Welcome to THE INTERNET.

Here are some suggestions for your first post. (In which Lally confronts her worst fears. Disclaimer, because everyone thinks this is WordPress’s actual introduction post. Lolz.)

1. Don’t be boring. For god’s sake. I know you’d probably like to sit back and tell us some sort of personal tale of whimsy where everyone learned something and no one was worse off. Duh. BORING. You’re gonna do it anyway, aren’t you
2. Be different and better than everyone else. Remember, the whole world is reading.
3. No one’s reading. Deflate your ego, princess.
4. Post some crap from Youtube on occasion with cute animals in it. You know you love it. You live for it.
5. Brace yourself for the first time you write something unfluffy and slightly controversial. You’re gonna wind up with at least a few people pissing all over you. Does that scare you, you spineless weakling?
6. Be funny. Every single time. Literally every time you write something I want to laugh. If I don’t laugh I’m going to go back to Facebook and talk about “boring bloggers who think they have senses of humor” without mentioning your name directly so if you call me out on it, you look like a paranoid jerk.
7. Oh god you’re gonna talk about your stupid relationship aren’t you.
8. Please don’t talk about work please don’t talk about work….
9. Oh what…you read the same NPR story as five THOUSAND other people this morning and you’re gonna add yet ANOTHER PERSPECTIVE? I’m so excited I may pee.

Whatever. I’ve tried to save you, but you won’t listen. No one ever does. 

Welcome to the internet, you dull bastard.

-MissUnfit’s Conscience